Sound Faction
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How To:
How To: Get through your first festival show
Ahh summertime. Lemonade and swimming pools... and even better: the summertime Rock Festival. Whatever your summer rock fest poison is: Ozzfest, Warped Tour, or Bamboozle, getting through the day in one piece takes endurance and guts. Getting through it without being scarred for life? Well I can help you there. If you're contemplating your first rock fest of choice this summer, here are a few survival tips for you, no charge!
- Tip 1: Dressing The Part
- By the rock 'n roll laws of science it will be a million degrees outside.
- For the majority of the day, every single person at the show is going to be jumping around and working up a nasty sweat.
- If you intend to move at all during the day, you will get somebody's nasty sweat on you.
- You are going to get disgustingly filthy.
- At some point, you're going to really want your hands readily available to deflect that five hundred pound crowd surfer.
- If you plan on doing any crowd surfing yourself, people will do their damndest to take your belongings.
- You will be pissed at yourself for bringing your purse.
- Tip 2: "Don't Touch Me! I'm A Bleeder!"
- Bruises from being stepped on, kicked, and jocked up against.
- Scratches from that kid standing next you, clawing at you desperately so as not to fall and get trampled.
- Concussion or massive headache from the crowd surfer you didn't see coming that landed on the back of your neck.
- Lacerations from the crap flying through the air
- Tip 3: The Physics of the Festival Crowd
- Everyone has a friend at the front waiting for them. Everyone. Disregard everything you know about the laws of ratio, if someone is behind you, they have a friend at the front waiting for them.
- What goes up, comes down hard. Especially humongous crowd surfers. the laws of average don't matter anymore, if they go up, they're coming down on top of you.
- Newton said: "Every object in a state of Uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it." That force could be the jackass at the edge of the crowd trying to fit in with the mosh and shoving people, or someone in the middle that fell down... either way: get ready to get thrown off balance. Quick foot work is what we're going for. Keep them under you and on the ground as much as possible.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" If you're a crowd dickhead, there will be consequences. The rock gods will send a 500 pound crowd surfer wearing high heels, holding a purse with bricks in it, whose pants has fallen down due to not having a belt on, crashing down on the back of your neck. Don't let it happen to you.
I know you want to look cute. I know that new bag you got will go with that super cute top so good but stop. step back. think. Consider the following things when selecting your wardrobe for the big day:
So then: what to wear is the question! I highly recommend a loose fitting comfortable tee shirt (rock the pride for your favourite band, a clever saying, whatever you want!). I do not recommend that tee shirt being white. Yes, I know it's hot like the surface of the sun on that blacktop and that you're going to bake. But what's worse, wearing a darker colour shirt, or the gruesome revelation of looking down at your shirt and realizing that you literally have other people's blood, sweat and piss on you? Seriously now, think about it. This is NOT TO SAY that wearing dark colours will somehow create a forcefield around your person and you WON'T have all of that all over you. Because you will. You're just going to actually SEE it on a light coloured shirt.
Jeans or shorts. Something sturdy, and for gods sake invest in a belt! There is nothing at all worse than being behind a guy in the pit, holding up a crowd surfer or just rocking the hell out, crammed against a zillion other kids so much that your hand is forever stuck above your head in a rock hand because there is just not enough room for your arm to be by your side any longer: and then it happens. The jackass didn't wear a belt and now his pants are down around his ankles and his nasty ass is all up in your business.
Shoes. Not sandals, not heels, not those ultra-comfy (and UGLY) croc things. Shoes. With laces. And tie them That way you can delight in watching the random sandal go flying overhead while you're in the crowd and know that your feet are nice and safe inside your LACED AND TIED shoes, and take comfort in the fact that you aren't the poor schmuck that has to walk around barefoot for the rest of the day, stepping on spit, blood, piss, and all sorts of disease ridden crap on the ground.
Accessories. As I mentioned before: the belt is necessary. But what about your wallet and or purse. Bad idea 101. For you girls carrying purses, you are gonna get pissed about having it mid-day. There is no where to set it down, you're stuck with it, and if it gets snatched or dropped in the middle of the crowd, kiss it the hell goodbye, it's now going to be used as Ammo against that god awful band playing on the "sign me" stage as filler. For you wallet folks, it's easier to carry a wallet, but just as easy to get snatched or dropped, especially if you plan on being in a pit at any point during the day. Either take your money and ID out and shove it in your front pocket, or chain that shit to your pants.
Cowboy up, Nancy. You're gonna get roughed around. The only way to avoid it is to skirt around the edges all day long, and that's just lame and no fun at all. Do yourself a favour and get tough, get in there, and have a damn blast! Here are a few bodily injuries you can expect:
What to do if you incur severe injury: If you have severe open wounds, sacrifice the ending of that totally awesome band you were watching, and work your way out of the pit. Rock Fest grunge is not something you want to work its way into your blood stream. Locate the medic tent and get in, get patched up, and get back out there!