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Now, many of us have been to shows. Paid a pretty penny to pocket change to see a band play. I recently went to see some friends band, and I have a few pet peeves that happen during these types of shows.

Guitar Crotch: Yes, guitar crotch. These males are on stage, which is around a foot and a few inches, give or take. So, me standing at 5'3", have their guitar covered crotch in my face! Now, if I wanted crotch in my face, I'll watch some porn. But for f*** sakes, get that male ego boosting away from my eye level!

Stage Flirting: Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but when the sex you prefer is making and holding eye contact while playing, headbanging or singing, it's just hot. I mean blood boiling hot. I don't mind feeling like that, ever. But if you want to flirt with me, come down off that stage, put the guitar down and talk to me. I know loads of musicians do this to get the crowd going, but all you're doing to me is being a huge tease! The next lead guitarist who stage flirts with me, gets a punch in the sack. How does that feel, big man?!

Headbanging: I adore headbanging! It rattles your skull and if you do it long enough, hard enough, your neck won't work the next day. So you're hungover (Well, of course you were drunk!) and your neck kills you to lift your own head. It won't hold it up! What a glorious feeling. One of the greatest! But for you men who whip me with your long girlie hair in the face one more time... I will rip it out. Handful by handful. I put my makeup on really nice for these shows, but when you get hit in the eyeball forty times by hair it starts watering, then you look like a prostitute. How lovely.

Mosh Pits: Now, I'm one of those girls you find in a pit just grabbing, pulling, shoving, hitting everyone and everything that they have in arms length. I'll join in pits when I feel the need to smash someone's face in. Sometimes, I just want to feel the bass vibrate in my lungs. But if you want to mosh, then mosh! But do not put your elbow in my back, do not fall on me, do not shove me into the pit and the most important one: do not f*cking pull me by my hair! I am against the stage enjoying what they are playing for us. If I wanted to be there, I WOULD BE THERE SMASHING MY FOOT INTO YOUR KIDNEY! So, leave me alone or I will be forced to single you out and hit your head off the floor until you stop moving. Understood?

Socializing: I'm not so big on talking to people I don't know. Sometimes, I don't mind at all. You can usually tell by where the person is! If I'm standing at the bar, smiling at you, yes I would like to converse. But if I am sitting by myself at a table with my feet up on the other chair, holding my beer... don't approach. Do not even allow the idea to appear in your minds's eye. I am sitting alone because:

My friends are in the pit or near the stage taking pictures. I am on coat detail. I just want to enjoy the loud music, beer, and alone time.
I ditched my friends because it was that or kick their teeth down their throats. What makes you any different from them? People piss me off.
I'm waiting for my friends to arrive. I don't need any more friends than I have already. If I wanted you to become one, I'd ask.
I came alone. I'm leaving alone.
One or some of the band members were stage flirting with me. See above for reactions to such.

These are good guidelines to react to me if we are at a show together. So follow these like Mormons follow the Bible and you will be safe. Oh, and if you see me in a good mood, come chat! We'll talk Metal, movies and whatever!