|| The Sound Faction (dot com) ||

Oh my god. I am so god damned sick of “Thug Jr.” Chris Brown, “Thuggette” Rihanna, and their trashy bullshit! Okay, this is going to come across as entirely insensitive but I just don’t care anymore! Whatever the hell happened, if he hit her, if she punched herself in the face with her umbrella-ella-ella, I don’t CARE anymore. Domestic violence should NEVER be tolerated, EVER. So whatever happened there, it sucks and shouldn’t be put up with. If he hit her, put his f*cking auto-tuned ass in jail.

But this whole “He beat me!” “I love you!” “It’s OVER!” “I HATE YOU!” “Just kidding!” “I forgive you!” “ZOMG NOODZ!” TMZ bullshit is so irritating I want to just buy the both of them a double-wide and a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and give them a jumpstart on their trashy lives together. Throw in a Springer marathon and a couple of 2am drunken calls to 911 and you’ve got yourself a good ol’fashioned West Side “I’m so gangsta, rollin‘ wit the homies” block party.

What’s even MORE classy than the media wank-fest over these two winners at life are the public reactions. “I dun curr if Chris beat Rihanna! BITCHAZZZ! IM UR NUMBA 1 FAN CHRIS!” “ZOMG U KAN BEAT ME WHENEVA U WANTZ!” Nice… way to play it low-key ladies. While you're at it, could you cut the midriff on that beater a little higher, hitch up them Daisy Dukes, suck the chewing tobacco out of your teeth and fetch him a sandwich and another 64? Oh sorry, I forgot to call you "bitch" first. I'll leave it to the pro's.

It's disgusting, really, the level of class surrounding this entire scenario is astounding, truly the upright citizens of this world are stepping forward and taking this into gentle and cautious hands.

Can we just move on from this benign luke-warm gag-a-palooza please? Or must we continue to hear Chris Brown assure the creaming masses of 13 year old girls that he’s “Not a monster” while haucking his new album at a bowling alley like some sort of Rec Center Yard Sale flier. But his homie assures us with seconds left to go that Chris “Ain’t a Monsta” and we’re supposed all up and “balee ‘dat.”?

Bitch, pass the cheez whiz.